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The Passion

"A Passion only God can satisfy!"


I am an infant Christian, and this is my first "public" testimony, so please excuse me if I seem to ramble. I want to share my story because I feel that maybe there are people out there, who may not necessarily share my story, but who could relate and benefit from the revelation of it.

I was born to a mother who was not prepared mentally or spiritually to care for a helpless infant. I was given to my grandmother after years of neglect and emotional abuse. Mom would come visit with me on the weekends when I was eleven. She would take me from the safety and security of Grandmother's and drop me off at a dirty, dingy house in the middle of nowhere so that she could go off drinking and dancing with whatever man she chose to occupy the weekend. The babysitter wasn't fit to watch lab rats, much less children, but still I was there, religiously, every weekend my mom came to spend time with me. The babysitter's brother violently raped me. As an eleven year old, I closed myself off to everyone, never breathing a word of the violation, not even to my Grandmother, until years later. I shut my heart off to God as well, and after that, I didn't go back to church for years.

As I grew into adulthood, I pulled further and further from Christ, trying to find my way through this cold, dark world without the Lord, never seeing the error of my ways. I met and married my husband, and pretended to be happy, though inside I was dead. Because our marriage was not with God, it quickly soured. After our second child was born, I betrayed my husband physically and emotionally. He stayed with me, but he became vengeful. I became even more closed-off. Our relationship became a whirlwind of confusion, and we eventually separated and prepared to divorce. By this time, we shared three children. I left our home with two of the children and re-entered the service (U.S. military). My husband and I have gotten back together and then separated again four times since the first separation. This last time was the last straw.

After he left the last time, I was naturally very depressed and withdrawn, but at the same time, something was going on inside my heart. Something I could neither explain nor deny. A very dear friend had been speaking to me about Christ and the role he should play in my everyday life. I was invited to a special service at the Church, a service dedicated to young adults. At first, I resisted, but something supernatural seemed to pull me there. I loved it. I felt like I'd come home from a long war. After two visits, I was hooked. On the third visit, I had decided not to attend, but as I was driving past the parking lot, my car seemed to steer itself with me helpless to stop it. That night, I was saved. I was reborn through Christ, and I have NEVER been happier!

Since then, I have been praying for my husband. Not for the salvation of our marriage, because he had every right to seek to divorce me, but for the salvation of his soul and heart. He had strayed from Christ as well. My prayers seemed to go unanswered, but I stayed true to my course. I dedicated myself to God on the night of my salvation, and there is no turning back. Last week, three days before my birthday, my husband called me. He asked me if I could take him back into my life and into my heart. He said that he'd been talking to God. In praying for the redemption of my husband's soul and in praying for God to open his eyes to the Word, his eyes were opened to our commitment to one another. We have a "second" chance, and this time, walking with God, the Devil will NOT prevail.

God has answered so many prayers for me since my salvation. I was worried about a debt and it was dissolved with no repercussions and no need for repayment. It just disappeared. I have found peace within my heart. The tragedy that occurred during my childhood no longer haunts me. I know that God will deal with the monster responsible and I needn't worry about it any longer. My mother was baptized on the Sunday before I was saved! I have found that I crave the word of God, and I don't go anywhere without my Bible. I have discovered that there are answers to Life's everyday problems found between those glorious covers, and I seek them out with a passion only God can satisfy.

After years of darkness, I am finally walking in the splendid light of God. I am a sinner, and yet I feel clean. God sent his Son to die for me, and I finally see the glory of that act.~"INFANT-CHRISTIAN", USA

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For He has rescued us from the domination of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the son He loves.~Col. 1:13